Love. It's like a whirlpool in a small ocean. Avoidable, but sooner or later you're going to get sucked inside. I have once felt the pull, but realizing it was mere infatuation, I managed not to get sucked in too early. Still I was indeed young, and I didn't know anything. I did stupid things, but I regret nothing. Had I not experienced what I had, I would have never unearthed love.
I talked to this guy, and immediately I was comfortable talking to him. I met him online, so I have never met this guy before. After talking to him for quite some time, we exchanged numbers. I texted him, I called him. We got to know each other and became pretty good friends. Of course there was always that small doubt in the back of my mind thinking of the "What Ifs" but I had faith. I just had to believe he was who he said he was, he was real. After several phone calls and maybe a month later, I felt something. I had no idea what it was, and I had no idea how to describe it. But I really liked this guy, REALLY. I had just turned 14, and I felt to young and inexperienced to explain it to anyone. So I kept it to myself.
One night, I decided I should tell him, so while on the phone I very nervously dove right into something I knew nothing about. I said I loved him, but I actually felt something behind it. One of the best feelings in the world, is definitely not just hearing those words come out of my mouth, but hearing those same words said right back to me. It was such a happy moment in my life that I will never forget. For the first time in my short young life, a guy said he loved me and I loved him, but we both meant it. It was utter bliss. I couldn't stop smiling. I had butterflies, chills, and I could have cried. I dealt with so much, too much for a pubescent teenager, and this was a needed relief. It's really indescribable what I felt that night, too many things at the same time.
Saying I love you for the first time and meaning it to someone very special is quite a spectacular thing. You can feel the difference from just saying it to a good friend. This is the part you completely let go, when the two people just let nature run its course and allow themselves to be completely submerged in the ocean, and pulled to the center of the whirlpool. Suddenly there's a whole new world around you, things make sense, all those movies and books you've ever read you can fully understand and relate to. You feel weightless, like being underwater. You feel like you will never have to return to the surface since everything you've always wanted and needed is right there with you.
Unfortunately love isn't always that simple. Love could never allow you to be somewhere accessible. He lives more than 400 miles away or a bit over 7 hours by car, and the hardest part was knowing that I will have to wait a few YEARS before I could ever meet him in person. I wish we could just be near each other, it could make everything so much better. But we agreed, we won't make us official until that day. So I waited. In the meantime we both thought it would be best to gain some experience during those two years. I dated a few people, but when I found out he got a girlfriend, I felt so jealous. I've never EVER been a jealous person before in my life, but he brought it out in me. I didn't want to share this great guy with anyone else. I gave him my heart, and I didn't want him to lose it.
Have you ever tried letting the person you love date other people? It takes A LOT of faith, trust and understanding. It was very difficult, but I did it, and I was barely 15 years old. Although I was dating someone too, I couldn't help but feel extremely envious. That girl could see him everyday, kiss him, hold him, and do everything I could not. I essentially had to watch her take a big share of what I wanted. It took me until after our first and only argument to realize that no matter what, I still had to biggest share of him, his heart. Regardless of how many people either of us dated, they were just going to be meaningless relationships in the end. I could never give my heart to someone else, or love anyone like I had grown to love this guy. It's because of this that any relationship we try to get into never lasts because we are not as emotionally committed to them as we are to each other.
Once that was over with, our love grew stronger. Any person I considered to be pretty cool I ended up unconsciously comparing them to him. No one had his personality, his smile, his ability to make me feel like something unique in this lonely world. Like I actually mattered, even when we didn't talk. I could never know for sure, but I couldn't help but hope that he thought about me as much as I did for him. We talked several times a month, whether through text or phone call, but I thought about him every day. He was my first thought waking up, and my last thought going to sleep. Everything I did I wished I did with him, even if it was something as simple as sitting outside taking in a beautiful day.
Over the next year, we didn't talk as much. During the summer I don't believe we talked at all. But regardless I thought about him a lot, and I missed him, and nothing changed at all. It was like I had put everything in a temporary drawer while I dealt with my first year in high school and a lot of problems at home, but that's a story for another day.
As I started my sophomore year in high school I met this kid who became a great friend of mine. I am in the marching band, and we play in pit together. During the marching band season, he asked me about my love life and why I seemed so fine being single. I had told him it was a long story but one day I came out and told him everything, the entire story. It took a very long time, but he sat and listened as I explained the complex and lenghty story of the guy I loved and I. The look on his face as I told him the story was very interested and amazed. On the outside no one could ever guess everything I had told him about my feelings. It was the first time I told anyone the full story about this guy.
It was this day that I figured out that I didn't just love him, but I had fallen for him harder than I ever knew possible. I loved everything about him, his personality, his voice, his attitude, his humor, his passion for racing, his mole, there was nothing I didn't like. I had fallen in love with him, and I had not even met him yet. For that reason it was just about impossible for me to only like him for his looks, since I never actually saw him. It was all about who he was, and that's what I grew to love. I learned so much about love, and loving a person without even knowing it. I could never say I know it all, but I think I know more than most people I know.
It was a strange coincidence, but I actually found out that same day that I wasn't crazy, and I wasn't alone. My good friend told me after I finished speaking that a friend of ours had an unofficial relationship with a guy who lived very far away that she also met through the Internet. I was really surprised and even more relieved. I had talked with her about the whole thing and it was great to learn we had such an uncommon thing in common. This is just a little coincidental fun fact.
Later on during my sophomore year I was doing this thing where it gives you a question and a friend's name. His name came up and the question was if I thought he would ever hook up with me. I answered it, and he texted me later on when he eventually saw it. He asked what I said since it did not post my answer just the question. I told him yes, but he said I was wrong. I meant too much to him for him to just hook up with me. Then we got into the topic of marriage. I don't remember how but I remember him saying whoever I marry is a lucky guy, and he wants an invite to that wedding. I told him it would be silly to invite him to his own wedding. And that got me thinking. I could actually see myself marrying him. He isn't the kind of guy I want to date for a long time, this kind of love couldn't possibly have an end. Again, I know I'm so young, but I could definitely grow old with him. I would be so happy with him in my life for as long as I live and more. I truly loved him as much as a person can love another person.
Towards the end of my sophomore year, we had our very first video chat. After that, there was nothing left to hide. If there were any doubts still in my mind that he was too good to be true, they had vanished. It was all the proof I needed. Seeing him like that, and talking to him till I wanted to pass out of exhaustion, made me happy. It's a much better experience than just listening to the voice on the other end of the phone. It was the closest I've ever felt to him. I could see him and hear him, he was just on the other side of the computer screen. If only I could jump through the screen.
It was always my dream to finally meet him and get to hug him and kiss him like I've always wanted to. And I couldn't explain everything that went through my head when he told me that could be a real possibility this summer. Such excitement I almost couldn't contain myself, but I had to hide it. He was going down to Maryland to visit a friend, on the way back home he would visit me. He had permission from his parents and all he needed was the money. Everyday I wished and I prayed that he would raise enough money to make the trip. There's nothing I would want more in the world than to get to meet the guy of my dreams and desires. To make it even better, just recently he told me that he is definitely making the trip, and should be coming either the 2nd or 3rd week of August I believe. I was never very religious, but when I heard this I felt my prayers had been answered.
So now we come to today. A little more than 2 years later. I'm now 16 and him 18, and more in love than anyone I've ever known. It's amazing all the things that can happen in such little time. Goes to show that you should never doubt a teenager, not all of us are completely clueless of what love really is. And not everyone you meet online is a pedophile or creep.
Unfortunately my parents do not know any of this, and they don't even know about this guy. They would never accept the fact I met him online because they are convinced that like I said, everyone on the Internet wants to rape me. Maybe it'll be easier once we meet, which will be in secret, to finally reveal what I've carefully hid for so long. I understand them though. I've come across many people pretending to be someone they're not, I've done it myself on a few occasions. There's just no way to know for sure who someone is if all you see is a screen name.
So basically I just spend the past few hours writing my entire love story. Everything there really is to know. Especially about how I felt this entire time. I can only assume he felt the same or similar, but I have faith that whatever this is, it's meant to be. I really care for him and he means so much to me, meeting him will be like the icing on the cake, and until then I will dream of that day.
I love you Dave, always and forever ♥
I talked to this guy, and immediately I was comfortable talking to him. I met him online, so I have never met this guy before. After talking to him for quite some time, we exchanged numbers. I texted him, I called him. We got to know each other and became pretty good friends. Of course there was always that small doubt in the back of my mind thinking of the "What Ifs" but I had faith. I just had to believe he was who he said he was, he was real. After several phone calls and maybe a month later, I felt something. I had no idea what it was, and I had no idea how to describe it. But I really liked this guy, REALLY. I had just turned 14, and I felt to young and inexperienced to explain it to anyone. So I kept it to myself.
One night, I decided I should tell him, so while on the phone I very nervously dove right into something I knew nothing about. I said I loved him, but I actually felt something behind it. One of the best feelings in the world, is definitely not just hearing those words come out of my mouth, but hearing those same words said right back to me. It was such a happy moment in my life that I will never forget. For the first time in my short young life, a guy said he loved me and I loved him, but we both meant it. It was utter bliss. I couldn't stop smiling. I had butterflies, chills, and I could have cried. I dealt with so much, too much for a pubescent teenager, and this was a needed relief. It's really indescribable what I felt that night, too many things at the same time.
Saying I love you for the first time and meaning it to someone very special is quite a spectacular thing. You can feel the difference from just saying it to a good friend. This is the part you completely let go, when the two people just let nature run its course and allow themselves to be completely submerged in the ocean, and pulled to the center of the whirlpool. Suddenly there's a whole new world around you, things make sense, all those movies and books you've ever read you can fully understand and relate to. You feel weightless, like being underwater. You feel like you will never have to return to the surface since everything you've always wanted and needed is right there with you.
Unfortunately love isn't always that simple. Love could never allow you to be somewhere accessible. He lives more than 400 miles away or a bit over 7 hours by car, and the hardest part was knowing that I will have to wait a few YEARS before I could ever meet him in person. I wish we could just be near each other, it could make everything so much better. But we agreed, we won't make us official until that day. So I waited. In the meantime we both thought it would be best to gain some experience during those two years. I dated a few people, but when I found out he got a girlfriend, I felt so jealous. I've never EVER been a jealous person before in my life, but he brought it out in me. I didn't want to share this great guy with anyone else. I gave him my heart, and I didn't want him to lose it.
Have you ever tried letting the person you love date other people? It takes A LOT of faith, trust and understanding. It was very difficult, but I did it, and I was barely 15 years old. Although I was dating someone too, I couldn't help but feel extremely envious. That girl could see him everyday, kiss him, hold him, and do everything I could not. I essentially had to watch her take a big share of what I wanted. It took me until after our first and only argument to realize that no matter what, I still had to biggest share of him, his heart. Regardless of how many people either of us dated, they were just going to be meaningless relationships in the end. I could never give my heart to someone else, or love anyone like I had grown to love this guy. It's because of this that any relationship we try to get into never lasts because we are not as emotionally committed to them as we are to each other.
Once that was over with, our love grew stronger. Any person I considered to be pretty cool I ended up unconsciously comparing them to him. No one had his personality, his smile, his ability to make me feel like something unique in this lonely world. Like I actually mattered, even when we didn't talk. I could never know for sure, but I couldn't help but hope that he thought about me as much as I did for him. We talked several times a month, whether through text or phone call, but I thought about him every day. He was my first thought waking up, and my last thought going to sleep. Everything I did I wished I did with him, even if it was something as simple as sitting outside taking in a beautiful day.
Over the next year, we didn't talk as much. During the summer I don't believe we talked at all. But regardless I thought about him a lot, and I missed him, and nothing changed at all. It was like I had put everything in a temporary drawer while I dealt with my first year in high school and a lot of problems at home, but that's a story for another day.
As I started my sophomore year in high school I met this kid who became a great friend of mine. I am in the marching band, and we play in pit together. During the marching band season, he asked me about my love life and why I seemed so fine being single. I had told him it was a long story but one day I came out and told him everything, the entire story. It took a very long time, but he sat and listened as I explained the complex and lenghty story of the guy I loved and I. The look on his face as I told him the story was very interested and amazed. On the outside no one could ever guess everything I had told him about my feelings. It was the first time I told anyone the full story about this guy.
It was this day that I figured out that I didn't just love him, but I had fallen for him harder than I ever knew possible. I loved everything about him, his personality, his voice, his attitude, his humor, his passion for racing, his mole, there was nothing I didn't like. I had fallen in love with him, and I had not even met him yet. For that reason it was just about impossible for me to only like him for his looks, since I never actually saw him. It was all about who he was, and that's what I grew to love. I learned so much about love, and loving a person without even knowing it. I could never say I know it all, but I think I know more than most people I know.
It was a strange coincidence, but I actually found out that same day that I wasn't crazy, and I wasn't alone. My good friend told me after I finished speaking that a friend of ours had an unofficial relationship with a guy who lived very far away that she also met through the Internet. I was really surprised and even more relieved. I had talked with her about the whole thing and it was great to learn we had such an uncommon thing in common. This is just a little coincidental fun fact.
Later on during my sophomore year I was doing this thing where it gives you a question and a friend's name. His name came up and the question was if I thought he would ever hook up with me. I answered it, and he texted me later on when he eventually saw it. He asked what I said since it did not post my answer just the question. I told him yes, but he said I was wrong. I meant too much to him for him to just hook up with me. Then we got into the topic of marriage. I don't remember how but I remember him saying whoever I marry is a lucky guy, and he wants an invite to that wedding. I told him it would be silly to invite him to his own wedding. And that got me thinking. I could actually see myself marrying him. He isn't the kind of guy I want to date for a long time, this kind of love couldn't possibly have an end. Again, I know I'm so young, but I could definitely grow old with him. I would be so happy with him in my life for as long as I live and more. I truly loved him as much as a person can love another person.
Towards the end of my sophomore year, we had our very first video chat. After that, there was nothing left to hide. If there were any doubts still in my mind that he was too good to be true, they had vanished. It was all the proof I needed. Seeing him like that, and talking to him till I wanted to pass out of exhaustion, made me happy. It's a much better experience than just listening to the voice on the other end of the phone. It was the closest I've ever felt to him. I could see him and hear him, he was just on the other side of the computer screen. If only I could jump through the screen.
It was always my dream to finally meet him and get to hug him and kiss him like I've always wanted to. And I couldn't explain everything that went through my head when he told me that could be a real possibility this summer. Such excitement I almost couldn't contain myself, but I had to hide it. He was going down to Maryland to visit a friend, on the way back home he would visit me. He had permission from his parents and all he needed was the money. Everyday I wished and I prayed that he would raise enough money to make the trip. There's nothing I would want more in the world than to get to meet the guy of my dreams and desires. To make it even better, just recently he told me that he is definitely making the trip, and should be coming either the 2nd or 3rd week of August I believe. I was never very religious, but when I heard this I felt my prayers had been answered.
So now we come to today. A little more than 2 years later. I'm now 16 and him 18, and more in love than anyone I've ever known. It's amazing all the things that can happen in such little time. Goes to show that you should never doubt a teenager, not all of us are completely clueless of what love really is. And not everyone you meet online is a pedophile or creep.
Unfortunately my parents do not know any of this, and they don't even know about this guy. They would never accept the fact I met him online because they are convinced that like I said, everyone on the Internet wants to rape me. Maybe it'll be easier once we meet, which will be in secret, to finally reveal what I've carefully hid for so long. I understand them though. I've come across many people pretending to be someone they're not, I've done it myself on a few occasions. There's just no way to know for sure who someone is if all you see is a screen name.
So basically I just spend the past few hours writing my entire love story. Everything there really is to know. Especially about how I felt this entire time. I can only assume he felt the same or similar, but I have faith that whatever this is, it's meant to be. I really care for him and he means so much to me, meeting him will be like the icing on the cake, and until then I will dream of that day.
I love you Dave, always and forever ♥
1 comment:
One word; beautiful
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